My Biggest Dream

I have a lot of dreams. Buy a house, be self-employed, be away from my family. However, my biggest dream is to own a large flower garden.

That dream comes from an ideal I have of flowers being the most beautiful things in the world. The vision I have in my head is the sun shining on the garden as butterflies are fluttering about in it. I know it’s a fantasy, as it definitely wouldn’t be that perfect realistically, but it’s still something I want to see.

My favorite flowers are red tulips, but I want to have many different kinds in my garden. Tulips, lilies, sunflowers, pansies, and whatever else could fit in. I’d want to have the garden right behind my house, which means I’d need a lot of space.

After being uncertain for so long, I finally have my mind made up about what I want to be: a self-employed web designer. I’m not sure how to go about it, but that’s not strange. I do hope if I ever get that going, some other things will get going too…like my dream of a garden.

Deserves The Best

I’m not the only one with college troubles. My best friend struggled with school and, despite trying her hardest, couldn’t keep her grades satisfactory. In actuality, it’s not entirely her fault. They’re her grades, yes, but the school screwed her over more than once. I helped her write an appeal and we’re both hoping it gets approve, so she can continue attending.

I was so angry when she told me she might lose her aid and be forced to withdraw. Not only because the school screwed her over, but because she works harder than anyone I know in my personal life. I don’t want to be there, so I couldn’t care less what they do to me, but she deserves to have her dreams more than anyone because she works the hardest. Whatever help I am able to give to her, I will.

If, heaven forbid, her letter isn’t approved, she will be heartbroken and I will lose my mind.

No More College

I never wanted to go to college and only did so out of pressure. Now, I really don’t have to go.

Long story short, I have a bill of over $3,500 to pay and I can’t register for any classes until it’s entirely paid off. I’m not sure how I’ll manage that, but at least I no longer have anything to worry about. That’s less debt than most and I can pay it.

Now, I really need to find a job. Now more than ever. I’m not sure how, but I’ll think of something. Right now, I’m planning to sell some of my old games for a little extra cash. I wish I could find out how to work from home, but I haven’t a clue as to how to go about that.

In the meantime, I’m going to try to not to get down on myself. The only reason I’m even feeling this way is due to pressure from family. I’m genuinely happy. I have lots of free time, so why be sad?

Look Who’s Back

Emmi. Yes, that Emmi.

I anonymously wished him a happy birthday some days ago and yesterday, I asked him how his birthday was. Turns out I wasn’t as anonymous as I thought because although I’d cleared the profile entirely (and I did this before I wished him happy birthday, not yesterday), he knew it was me. More surprising, he asked for my Skype. He’d said he no longer wanted to talk to me, but shockingly, he never removed me. His Skype reset itself and, apparently, the whole account was deleted.

He’s well, he’s been having a good time, and he’s been getting sex, which I’m very glad to hear. We talked for about three hours last night. He actually remembered how late I tend to go to bed. He’s got better memory than Sunny.

Speaking of Sunny, he is getting on my last nerve with his ego and arrogance. I do enjoy talking to him, but his smugness is getting in the way. He has a lot of things to be proud of and that’s wonderful, but his ego is more fragile than a flower petal. He got offended because I called him clueless, insisting I insulted him in the worst way possible because of his IQ. IQ doesn’t mean everything, and in Sunny’s case, his social skills outside of his work are nearly deplorable.

Another Month, Another Guy

If you look at my “Good Things in 2014″ list, you’ll see for July 6th, I put “talked to Sunny for nearly three hours”. Who’s Sunny?

As the title might imply, he’s yet another man I may have a relationship with. And again, another female nickname. It just seems like a good way to respect privacy. Plus, “Sunny” is fitting for him. He has been through a lot of hardships, but unlike me, he’s surprisingly optimistic about life. When we were talking over Skype in the early hours, he sounded nothing short of cheerful.

Sunny is the reason I made this post some time ago, but I’ve since let it go and forgiven him. One thing that has left me astounded, however, is that he claims to have had about ten relationships in four years (although no sexual ones). I’d like to think he’s making that up for whatever reason, but then again, my first relationship lasted a month, so who am I to doubt him?

What I really liked about our conversation is he asked about my asexuality. I had to explain more than once, but he did listen and eventually understand. And that was it. It didn’t turn into a full-blown conversation about sex. In fact, he was reluctant to even ask me about it because he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable and we weren’t together yet. But that topic last about two minutes before we moved on to something else.

Sunny has been infatuated with me since we met, whereas I didn’t have any feelings for him beyond platonic. Now, that may be changing. I was the one who asked for video chat, something I never do, and the teaser was letting him see me in a small pair of pajama shorts I had on. It was a joke, but I would not have said that to anyone else. Really, it was just nice to converse and not be asked for pictures, or to show myself nearly nude, or be flirted with. Speaking of which, he has never tried to flirt to with me. He’s told me he likes me and wants to hold me, but nothing flirtatious. I dislike flirting, so I hugely appreciate that.

I do not want to get my hopes up, but I really do hope things go well with Sunny and, if not life, I am with him for a long time.

I hate humanity, part 3

Happy Independence Day, everybody. Yay.

Of all days to find more proof the human race sucks, this day. If anyone ever asks me why I’d never bring kids into the world even if I wanted to, this is the answer.

I discovered this on my Tumblr dashboard today. Long story short, the author of this post went to a comedy club with some friends. One of the comedian made jokes about rape and sexual assault and when she rightfully called him out on it, he not only called her and friends names, but threatened them and got the whole audience in on it. She complained to the manager, but he just excused it, saying she shouldn’t come to a comedy club if she can’t take a joke. Yet I bet if any of these people had a loved one who was raped, it wouldn’t be so funny. Or maybe they’re the type of people who would blame that loved one for it.

Not only should that club be shut down, but that comedian should be arrested and charged for his attacks and threats, and the manager should be arrested and charged well for allowing and enabling it.

I. Hate. People.