Your Judgement Isn’t Important

Anger is swirling inside me right now.

I spent the whole day with my boyfriend. As always, I had a great time. However, we accidentally left his home a bit too late and, as a result, I had to take a much later train home than I intended. It was a genuine accident and we know we have to be more careful now.

So, why am I angry? Because when I sent a message to my uncle to let him know I’d be late, we got into a discussion about it and at one point, he said this to me: “He’s not important.”

“He” is referring to my boyfriend, of course. This isn’t the first time my uncle’s said that either and, frankly, I’m becoming less and less tolerant of these comments. I ignore them because my boyfriend doesn’t hear them, which is what I care about most, and they do not affect either of us personally. I don’t expect him to be considered important to anyone in my family. They don’t know him. But to say he’s not important at all? No!

Not only is he important to me, he is important as a person overall. Why? Let me break it up:

  • He was upset about being late and blamed himself for it. (Empathy)
  • He saw to it that I got on the train I needed and wouldn’t be any later than I already was. (Responsibility)
  • He told me to call him when I got home because he wanted to know I made it home safely. (Caring/Concern)
  • He apologized again after I called him. (Kindness)

There’s much more than that, but those are the ones relevant to this instance. You don’t have to be a big shot to be important. Everyone is important to at least two people: themselves and someone else. And I certainly hope he considers himself as important and valuable as I consider him.

I’ve told my boyfriend enough about my family for him to be able to make some scathing comments of his own, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t know them just like they don’t know him, yet he manages to be the bigger person in this matter. I love him for that, and I love him overall and the devil will have to rise before I let my family decide who I should deem important and unimportant. I could deem several of my uncle’s past relationships unimportant, but that wouldn’t make me any more mature than him, and they’re not mine to place a value on anyway. So, I don’t.

Getting in deeper, my boyfriend is one of the three people (the other two are my best friend, and high school clinician) who’s had – and still continues to have – a huge positive impact on me and my life. He’s important to my health, my well-being, and me as a person. He’s added a lot to me and my life I don’t want to ever have taken. He’s become another reason I’m happy I did not take my life years ago when I was heavily suicidal. I didn’t know him around the time and thinking that I so easily never could’ve saddens me. Heck, when I think about how it was pure luck I met him (I randomly decided to log into OKC after being fed up with it), I feel a bit stunned.

Yes, he is very important to me and I prioritize him. Sure, sometimes, other things come first because different things need attention at different times, but he and our relationship absolutely are a priority for me and unless the day comes when we decide to cut ties (which I hope will never happen), that’s how my priorities will always be. No amount of mean comments will make me regret that.

How About Taking Turns?

“Don’t speak unless you’re spoken to.”

Out of all the rules I ever heard as a child, I think I hate this one the most.

Why? For starters, it has nothing to do with politeness. It’s simply used to shut a small kid up.

Just like the rule of saying nothing at all if you can’t say anything nice, this one gets lost on the path to adulthood. It’s also impossible. If no one spoke unless someone to spoke to them, no one would be able to speak at all. Somebody has to speak first. According to this, that “someone” must always and only be an adult. I want to know why an adult’s words are, by default, considered more valuable than a child’s.

I live with a family that spends half their time spouting racist and sexist nonsense all day. Nobody speaks to them first. They just blurt it out every now and then. What value is this? By contrast, I once babysat a little girl and she started telling me about her family’s trip to Florida. I didn’t ask her to and I didn’t say a word to her. She just did because she wanted to talk. Now, guess which one I’d rather hear.

If this rule is about not interrupting people, fine. That works, but should apply to adults too. It’s rude to interrupt anyone. But otherwise, someone has to speak first, and it’s fine if that “someone” is a child at times. That’s how we make friends. It’s how relationships are formed. It’s how people connect.

This rule needs to either be thrown in the garbage or replaced with something more sensible.

Also, I’ve heard this same rule was once applied, not only to children, but also to women. Admittedly, I don’t know if that’s true or not, but if it is, that alone is enough for me to consider this rule extremely outdated. This is not 1915.

Windows 10? It’ll Keep Waiting.

Several weeks ago, I reserved a free upgrade for Windows 10. I figured since it’s the most recent version, I should have it. However, shortly after I received my copy, I started having second thoughts.

First off, the only reason I have Windows 8 is due to buying a new computer. I honestly prefer Windows 7. Windows 8’s format belongs on a tablet, not a computer. Second, I read about people having several problems with Windows 10. Such as:

  • Losing everything on their PC, even after selecting the option to keep it (yes, I know you’re warned to back up your stuff, but if they include an option to let you keep your stuff and that doesn’t even work, it sounds like Windows 10 is busted)
  • Their computer becoming very sluggish or freezing completely.
  • Certain games no longer working due to incompatibility with Windows 10, even after it was stated those games would continue working

It might be a short list of problems, but they’re pretty severe ones. So far, the only reasons I’ve read for updating to Windows 10 refer to visual appeal and as nice that is, it’s not worth those problems above. Even if I do back up my stuff, I’d be extremely angry if the upgrade wiped out everything. If I wanted to wipe out all of my data, I’d do a factory reset on my computer.

I think the only way I’ll get Windows 10 is the same way I got Windows 8 – if I buy a new computer. Since this computer is working well, that’ll be a long time away, if it ever happens. Until then, my copy is going to keep waiting…and waiting…and waiting.

If You Can’t Say Anything Nice…

…don’t say anything at all.

That was something I heard from my mother more times than I can count. Here’s something else I can’t count: the number of people who don’t follow that supposed rule.

Really, where did this saying even come from? I’ve never met a single person who abides by this, including myself. It’s not really possible to avoid things that aren’t so nice. Maybe if everyone in the world was a nice person, but that’s not how the world is.

However, if this expression is referring to unnecessary mean comments, I could agree. Nobody follows it, but it makes more sense. If I found out someone had stolen from me, for example, I’m completely justified in calling them a thief. I wouldn’t be justified in calling them a slur like the n-word.

There’s also the possibility this expression just means not to say unkind things to someone’s face, which is the definition I chose to take with it years ago. Of course, I don’t think talking trash about someone behind their back is much better. Unless they’ve hurt you somehow (in which case, you’re probably venting more than anything), you’re more exposing your own character, not theirs.

Personally, I think this is one of those expressions that needs to die out. Regardless of what meaning it’s taken for, it really may as well be meaningless. Everybody is going to have something unkind to say about someone, and they will say it. It may be within reason. It may not be. But they will.

Things Change

I’ve been going through my archives every now and then. I post so infrequently because I have little to talk about, but it sometimes amuses me how much things have changed since I wrote some of the posts I did. And how much some things have not changed.

I’ve noticed one thing changing for certain. My tolerance level for my family. It seems the longer I stay with them, the lower it gets. Most of my time is spent thinking about how to get away from them. Funnily enough, a lot of the negative emotions I feel only happen around them. When I’m away from home, whether it’s by myself or with my friends, they vanish like they were never there to begin with.

My mom and sister have left my life completely. Why, I don’t know. The last I remember is my mom being mad at me for something between her and my dad. I’m clueless as to what I had to do with it. Whenever I eventually move out on my own (or with someone else), I don’t exactly plan to maintain much contact with my family here. Sometimes, I swear I’m going to have a mental breakdown someday from being so aggravated with them.

I Kept My Word

I think this will be my last post mentioning anything about The Sims 4, or the series at all.

I once said to myself I’d give TS4 a year before I wrote it off permanently. Now, that got cut short because of some incredible arrogance I got thrown toward me from the fans, but in the end, I simply stayed the heck away from them and kept an eye on the game myself.

Well, the first anniversary is a month away and it’s been…a very dull ride.

There are seven packs for this game: Outdoor Retreat, Get to Work, Luxury Party, Perfect Patio, Spa Day, Cool Kitchen, and Get Together. Out of those seven, only four interest me, though I only have two at the minute. However, even those two feel somewhat lackluster to me.

I played Outdoor Retreat once and never again. It’s a nice pack, but unfortunately, I’m not a frequent vacationer. It’s useful if I want my sims to go play in the woods, but that’s about it.

Get to Work is better, but they could’ve done a ton more with it. The workplaces aren’t even on the map! They’re only accessible by those in the respective career. For a science lab, that makes sense. A hospital and a police station? No. And the tasks got repetitive fast.

I avoided the stuff packs because I’m not a fan of partying themes. Heck, EA even advertised GTW as being about partying. Why that was necessary is not something I can understand, but I’ve stopped trying to figure them out anyway.

I’m glad there are people who are in love with Sims 4, but my personal time with it is up. I’m not following any more news for it, nor will I continue following any accounts of the staff/gurus. Never did I think I’d say this about a Sims game, but I’m done. I’m done with this particular game and any future iterations of it. The Sims is one of my favorite series, but EA/Maxis has killed it for me. Nothing has wowed me about this game and the last thing I was excited for was the GTW expansion, which died when I finally played it. I’m not going to keep getting my hopes up and, frankly, I have no hopes left for the game at all.

So, I guess this is my goodbye to the series. I am not giving up the games I already have, but I will not be a part of the series’ future. I hope everyone else continues having fun with it.

I Found The Diamond

There’s an expression that goes, “Never ignore someone who cares for you because someday, you’ll realize you’ve lost a diamond while you were busy collecting stones.”

I couldn’t find a quote about finding a diamond among stones, but I did find one. Lots of stones. Annoying stones that hurt my foot. But I talked about the “stones” last week and I’ve finally kicked them all back in their pond.

So, why do I mention the quote? Because not only did I almost lose the diamond, I almost missed it entirely.

I met him way back in January, when I was still traipsing OKC. In fact, it was the second day of the year. I don’t even know why I logged in that day, but I suppose it was on the off-chance something good was in my inbox and I had nothing better to do. Being honest, my very first thought before even checking the message was along of the lines of a snarky “Hmm, let’s see what you want.” Gladly, that little bit of cynicism vanished because the conversation that followed was very pleasant.

To keep this story from getting long, I’ll sum up the rest. We met in-person after two months to go see Cinderella and since then, we’ve been meeting up with each other every so often ever since. He holds the record in my book for shortest time taken to bring someone home (not in that context!).

I can honestly say he’s one of the kindest people I’ve ever known in my life. He doesn’t complain about anything and has gone out of his way multiple times to make things easy for me. Sometimes, I feel like I am not deserving of him because he is just that nice to me.

Along with being the only good that came out of OKC, he’s pretty much the highlight of this year for me. I never have a bad day with him and I always look forward to the next day I’ll be able to spend with him. He’s shown me a lot of things and I even got to have my first sleepover with him. I feel bad I can’t bring him to my home like he’s brought me to his, but he does not deserve to be subjected to my family. He’s way too nice for that.

There is a part of me that fears I’m letting myself fall into an illusion and I’m setting myself up to be let down later. That’s not out of distrust of him, but out of my own insecurities and fears from all of my previous experiences, not to mention all the failed relationships within my family. But I try not to think about that because I’m genuinely happy to have him in my life and I want him to stay for a long time.