I’m Free!

Today, I was called to my county’s courthouse to be part of a selection of people to serve as grand jurors. After a long morning of monotonous waiting and uncomfortably sitting on wood, I’m happy to report I was not chosen!

Yes, you read that correctly. I was not chosen. And I’m very happy about that!😀

Here’s the thing. If I’d only have to serve two weeks, which is the sentence of a petit juror, I’d have no objections. But for a grand juror, the serving sentence is nine weeks! No! Too much time! Way too long! “Civic duty”, my behind! That’s what I call punishment! Heck, just all that waiting today felt like I was being punished!

I have three years before I have a chance of being called again. I hope I’m not living in this county by that time! I hate moving, but I’ll move if it decreases my chances of being called! I’d move to another country!

But for now, it’s behind me, so I’m celebrating my freedom!😀

The Sun and the Moon

That’s a throwback to something. I bet no one will be able to guess and I’m not giving any hints.😉

In my post about search results, I mentioned searches for pokemon are the most common ones that lead to my blog. Funnily enough, I haven’t made a pokemon-related post since 2015. I suppose it’s not so odd since this blog is supposed to be life journal of my thoughts, feelings, and experiences, but it makes me happy something I love so much is popular on this blog. So, let’s change how recently there’s been a Pokémon post!

I am very excited for the release of Pokémon Sun and Moon! There’s yet to be a pair of games I don’t like and each new generation of games becomes my favorite. I have no doubt I’m going to love Sun and Moon over X and Y. It’ll simply be the usual. Aside from being the newest games, there are reasons I’m excited for them.

The biggest reason I’m so happy about Sun and Moon is the creators bought trainer customization back! Its absence in the ORAS games is one of my disappointments and the games being remakes does not justify that because fairy types and features like Pokémon Amie are in the ORAS pair when they didn’t exist in the original RSE games either. Therefore, that excuse is a pile of fish carcasses! I got a lot of hate on Tumblr for pointing that out and being unhappy about the absence of trainer customization, but it’s Tumblr and a fandom. The majority of people on Tumblr don’t like you not thinking how they do and I’ve ranted plenty about fandoms already.

Better is there are now four trainers to choose from of each gender instead of three. Two characters who look more like me now. Yay! Whether characters look like me or not isn’t particularly a big deal, but it’s always a nice thing, especially when it’s something I’m playing through. Reading trainer customization was returning was especially a nice surprise because the creators once said trainer customization was only meant for Kalos. It’s their choice and their games, but I rolled my eyes so hard at that. What, Kalos is the only region where people like shopping? Well, I suppose it could be. I don’t write the stories!

After trainer customization, the next thing I’m most excited for is, supposedly, Sun and Moon will be entirely in 3D (graphic-wise, not the effect). There will be no 2D imagery whatsoever. I am very thrilled for that because I always wondered why X and Y weren’t fully 3D when they were the first pair of Pokémon games for the 3DS. When I think about it, however, I suppose that could be why. X and Y could be seen as a trial run and a stepping stone to improving the Pokémon games further and further for the 3DS. Everybody starts somewhere and why bite off more than you can chew when it’s your first time with something new?

(Wow. That sounds so wrong.)

I also adore the starter pokemon: Litten (the cat), Popplio (the seal), and Rowlet (the owl). I’ve already chosen my starters. I’m choosing Litten in Sun and Popplio in Moon. I like cats, so it’s not hard to see why Litten is my first choice. For Popplio, I just like its design more than Rowlet’s. However, I can’t say I’m liking most of the new pokemon’s designs so far. My favorite, besides Litten, is Pikipek, but of the new pokemon that have been shown, I see most of their designs as ugly or hideous. Although, Cutiefly falls under “ugly cute” for me. It is cute, but I hate mosquitoes. When I first heard its name, my thought was it sounds like a fan came up with it. Then again, the same could be said for most pokemon’s names (fun fact: “Cutiefly” rhymes with “Beautifly“). Fan-made sounding names aren’t anything new.

Another new feature, one of the smaller ones, I’m thrilled about is during pokemon battles, there’s an indicator to tell you how effective a move will be against your pokemon. I know the type match-ups by heart, but I don’t know every pokemon’s typing by heart and dual typing throws a wrench into it. Anything that makes a guidebook a little less necessary is a welcome addition to me!

So far, my only hope for these particular games is their post-story isn’t as short as X and Y’s. That was my only disappointment about the X and Y games. Overall, I cannot wait for Sun and Moon, and while I’m not trying to rush the summer, I’m very much looking forward to November for these games to be released (and for Disney’s newest princess, Moana).

Don’t Be A Judge

I’m not talking about the career path. I mean being judgmental in general.

Nearly two years ago, I wrote out a post on things I’ll never do in my life. At the top of the list was drugs and for good reason. Even without knowing just how bad drugs like a tobacco and alcohol are, having people in my family who do them tells me enough. However, lately, I feel like I’ve started understanding just why people turn to drugs.

I’m stressed out and that’s a way I’ve been feeling often, as of late. For the most part, I manage to handle it, but every now and then, there’s a day where my thoughts turn to drinking. Not only having one drink either. These thoughts are usually binging on alcohol until I pass out and there have been times where the only thing that stops me from doing it is not wanting to deal with a hangover later on. To compensate, I binge on soda when I’m very stressed out, which isn’t healthy either, but won’t get me drunk. Unfortunately, soda doesn’t always work.

If that’s how I feel within a day, it’s not so hard for me to see what leads other people down that path. Before I go any further, let me stress I am not condoning alcoholism or other drug addictions. They’re still terrible. I’m only explaining I’m beginning to understand why people turn to drugs to cope. If you told me I could have something that’d block out my senses, and make me forget every single thing that’s plaguing my mind right now, and the only side effect was falling unconscious some time later, I would take it. I just don’t want to risk addiction, so I don’t do it because I know if I start using those as a way of handling stress, I won’t stop.

My problems are far from the worst there could be. If I’m having thoughts of drinking myself into unconsciousness from the stress I’m feeling, how must some people who have it worse than me feel? I’m not surprised someone would decide they’d rather put up with the bad effects later on to feel good now for a while. What about the people who feel like they have nothing else to lose? Truthfully, that’s one of my reasons sometimes. I feel like I’m at the bottom as it is and I can’t get any lower, so what’s the worst that could happen if I got drunk for a day or night? I know what the worst, but on my worst days, I feel like the risk would be worth it.

I’m aware addiction hurts more than the person with it and that’s another reason I try my hardest not to give in to the thoughts of binge drinking I have. Despite how much they’ve hurt me, I don’t want to hurt my family. I especially don’t want to hurt my best friend and boyfriend, who have never hurt me. I don’t want to lose being able to see my clinician, who’s become somewhat more of my friend now since I’m out of high school, and going to the events she hosts and as open-minded as she is, I’m certain she wouldn’t want someone with a drug addiction around her family, especially her niece and niece’s friends. I don’t want to lose me.

In short, I’m trying to stop a bad habit before it starts. Yes, I know there’s such a thing as moderation, but that’s not something I feel I can trust myself to maintain.

While that resolve of never using drugs hasn’t changed, my perspective of people with those addictions certainly has. I have no room to judge someone about binging on alcohol when I’m having thoughts of doing the same. If nothing else, the stress I’m dealing with and the thoughts I’m having are teaching me two things: 1) I’m not above anything and 2) this is why it’s critically important to never judge someone. People are different and you have no idea.

The Irony Is Murderous

Remember I mentioned the person who told lies about me prided herself on not sending hate?

The friend of mine who follows her reblogged something from her. Guess what it is? A Winx-hate bingo card. And she made it because she felt “extra petty” that day.

Well, I guess being “extra petty” explains why she lied about and falsely accused me of things. She certainly has no grounds to be claiming maturity (neither do I, but I’ve never claimed such or acted like I do).

Yes, I realize I talk about this a lot and I’ve no doubt those of you who often read this blog are tired of it, but when I discovered that from my friend’s blog, I couldn’t not share it. For someone who claims fans of the older stuff are “nostalgic and biased”, she sure has one of her own against people who don’t think like her (like that wasn’t obvious enough).

As the title of this post says, the irony is murderous.

Label You, Not Me

Labels are a popular topic on social media, especially in places like Tumblr that preach about not letting labels define you (ironically, while tossing them about like candy). Personally, I think it’s fine if you want to refer to yourself as something and label yourself, but not a good idea to let other people do it. Why? Well, that should be obvious. You get situations like what happened to me. And that’s a light example, compared to most of the things I’ve had said about me, both behind my back and to my face.

It’s funny how we can know what someone says about us isn’t true, but it can still bother us. Maybe because such people have the audacity to tell lies in the first place. Really, I don’t know what I expected from someone with that blog URL. That really should’ve make it obvious the person behind that blog is the type to tell lies and make false accusations.

The reason this comes to mind is out of everything I’ve ever been called, why am I treating “nostalgic” like a crisis? Or “blind”? Or “biased”? Or even “hater”? First of all, I am blind anyway. That’s why I wear eyeglasses. I have been called racial slurs before. Kindergartners have outdone that person when it comes to insults and I’m talking about back when I was one.

I’ve mentioned at least once before I like making lists. So, I’m going to do just that. Let’s go down the list of “nostalgic, blind, biased hater” and see how far we get.

Nostalgic

Let’s see. I saw Zootopia back in March and Try Everything is in my playlist. I saw The Jungle Book in April and the very awesome remix of The Bare Necessities is also in said playlist. Other movies I’m looking forward to are Storks and the new Disney Princess movie, Moana. And let’s not forget I enjoyed Inside Out, Big Hero 6, and…oh, yeah. I’m obsessed with Frozen and Frozen Fever. Did I mention those last two are actually hated so much, anyone who likes them is essentially deemed to not have a brain of their own? I’m also planning to watch Disney’s new show, Elena of Avalor, when it’s released. That’ll be the first show I’ve watched regularly on Disney Junior.

Blind

I wear eyeglasses, so physically, I am blind. What am I supposed to do about that? Talk to my genetics. Or my eyeballs. Whichever. Non-physically? You know what? I wish I was blind! Then, I wouldn’t see and be scarred by even half the nonsense I’ve dealt with over my life. Maybe being blind would’ve helped me deal with abuse and bullying better by virtue of not knowing it was happening. They do say ignorance is bliss, after all.

Biased

I’ve already talked about how deeming whoever doesn’t think like you is biased in itself, so I don’t need to delve much into this one. Let me sum it up: they’re called preferences. Just like how I think blue is a nicer color than pink. If we go with this “you only like something better because you grew up with it” logic (and I’ve already explained the fallacy in that regarding myself too!), I should despise blue and adore pink. But I don’t. I like pink, but it’s definitely not my favorite color and I do think blue is nicer. Make it blue!

Hater

I yell. I’m hot-headed. I will never deny that. Hateful, however? Hmm. I have an idea. Go talk to my best friend and ask her how hateful I am. Talk to my boyfriend too. Also, talk to the kids I look after. You can even talk to some of my family members. I do hate some people, obviously, and I hate some things, like how violence exists. I’ve said before I’m a cynic. And yes, this is an interesting choice of an insult. You’d think a hater wouldn’t have loved ones, yet I do. In fact, one of those loved ones is my abuser, who I’ve tried numerous times to reconcile with and the attempts keep falling out. So much for that.

Wouldn’t you know? None of these insults are true. Of course, I knew that, but the person who throws them doesn’t know that about me or anyone else these words have been thrown at. And how could they? It really does stun me how after all the nonsense I’ve dealt with, I can still be shocked people make snap judgements like that. Then again, I do it too, hence why I’ve been trying to teach myself not to do that. It’s harder than it seems, but if I weren’t trying, I wouldn’t write posts like these.

It will never sit well with me someone could tell lies about and falsely accuse me of things with no repercussions, but at the same time, it’s another thing I’m used to. My bullies got away with their actions, my abuser got away with hers, so why wouldn’t someone who tells lies about me on the internet, a place of complete anonymity if one allows, get away with their actions as well?

Plus, there’s the simple fact someone will always hate someone else and have trash to say. There’s nothing that can ever be done about that.

City Girl On A Farm

Yesterday, I took a trip with a friend of mine and her family to a farm. I’ve been to the countryside before, as I have a few relatives who live out there, but I’d never been to a farm until then. My only exposure to farms had been television and I always figured they were unrealistic. It is TV, after all.

I had a great time. I enjoyed seeing all the animals, took several pictures, and even got a video of a rooster crowing. In fact, roosters were crowing the whole time we were there, so that destroys the myth they only crow in the morning. I’m guessing Hollywood invented that.

However, I can’t say I’d be thrilled to go again. I’m glad I could go, and was able to spend time with my friend and her family, but if I somehow ever decide I want to move to the countryside, it will never be out of a desire to be a farmer.

First and foremost, practically the whole farm was filthy. I know that seems like a big “duh”, but keep in mind although I’ve moved multiple times in my life, I have always lived in cities. Small ones, but cities nonetheless. Yes, I know cities are dirty too, but this was much dirtier than I’m used to. There were flies everywhere, even on some of the animals (the farm dog had flies hanging around on his ears!), and the children and I had to continuously be very careful of where we stepped to avoid stepping in animal waste in the large areas. I’m not insensitive, so I realize that’s just part of life for the people who live on that farm, but for me, someone who has not grown up that way, that’s disgusting and nowhere near normal. I have to admit if I’d been told that beforehand, I would’ve backed out of going because if I so much as knew about a place as filthy as that, I’d avoid it like a plague. Even some of the furniture they have, like a fridge, was dirty.

My friend tried to console me by reminding me that humans also have waste and, when I said flies are disease-ridden, have diseases too. That’s true, yes, but that did not help me feel better. Humans, at least as I’ve been taught, do that business in the privacy of a bathroom with the door locked! When humans get sick, we stay in bed until we’re well again or, if it’s severe, seek medical attention. In the case that we can’t stay home until we’re well again, we take over-the-counter medicine and carry tissues with us to avoid spreading our illness to other people. Yes, some people aren’t that considerate, but most people I’ve met are. I don’t think the same can be said for flies, and frankly, I don’t like most insects anyway. Flies, in particular, disgust me.

The bottom line is while I admire the work they do, that’s not a lifestyle I could live. No, I wasn’t expecting all the animals to be cute and cuddly, but I certainly wasn’t expecting flies to be swarming either. We couldn’t even eat without flies around. I wasn’t expecting a farm to be as pristine as a hospital, but I wasn’t expecting that level of filth either. My friend teased me a bit about being a complete city girl and I suppose I can’t say she’s wrong. I’ve grown up across cities, so what else could I be? However, considering other nature trips I’ve enjoyed, like hiking, I’d say it’s less of a “city girl” thing and more of a “this is too much filth for me” thing.

Search Results

One particular thing about this blog I enjoy is seeing how people reach it. More often than not, it’s through Google’s search engine. What I find interesting is what search terms lead people here.

Going through my monthly stats back up to July 2015 tells me searches for pokemon are the most common. That doesn’t surprise me since I know Pokemon Sun & Moon are being released later this year. What does surprise me is it’s my blog these viewers reach from searching. I’m not complaining, but with as many pokemon-themed blogs that exist, I’m shocked my themeless blog would be the one showing up high enough in search results for it to be seen so often. Some of them are specific, such as searches for top ten pokemon, but most are generic, such as a search for “cute pokemon” or pokemon of a particular region.

Some other popular searches are ones for the powerpuff girls, thoughts about sisters, how to close an Origin account, and why shyness and quietness bother people. I know no one is ever the only person who thinks and feels the way they do, but somehow, it still surprises me to see other people have similar thoughts and feelings to mine.

On occasion, some of my blog’s views also come from places I’d left a long time ago. It gives me a small shock when I see views suddenly coming in from a source I could swear I never linked my blog on. It makes me wonder if my blog serves the same purpose for some other bloggers.

Then, some of the search results are a little sad. Most recently, someone found my blog by searching “powerpuff girls 2016 death threats”. I’m certainly not ungrateful for blog traffic, but it’s disheartening to know more people are being bullied over such trivial things. I’m not trying to serve as a voice of reason of some sort, nor do I expect anything to stop because I say something about it. It’s simply knowing and understanding what’s happening that makes me sad. There’s a reason some people say ignorance is bliss.

When I try to put it into perspective, I suppose it makes sense searches for topics like pokemon and powerpuff girls would lead to my blog. Those topics are much less personal and easier to find. Most of my personal posts, if they attract attention, are found through the WordPress Reader. Considering I tend to go through periods of having little to nothing to write, I feel very grateful this blog has a steady stream of readers, new and old.