I’m So Confused…

Somehow, I managed to get a boyfriend. I’m happy about that and, better yet, my feelings for Emmi are fading. I admit I’m still occasionally tempted to try to mend things with him, but I never act on it. I don’t hate Emmi, however. I do hope he’s doing well.

Getting to the point of this post, Jia (again, I know it’s a female name, but it was considered unisex on the site I got it from) and I met up yesterday to hang out together. This is the third time we’ve met up, but unlike the previous two times, we got “intimate”. I put that in quotations because it was really Jia kissing me all over my face and neck, and feeling me up. I admit I liked it, hence why I allowed him to continue doing it, but the point of this was to try to arouse me. He certainly got aroused (if his breathing growing heavily was any indication), but I merely sat there and wondered what the heck I’m supposed to do.

As I said, I liked it, but I was not aroused at all. It simply felt good and he wasn’t hurting me. It also felt strange, I’ll admit, but still good. I told him I cannot be aroused and it seems he took that as a challenge. He wants to find what can arouse me. I told him, “Good luck.”

I’m not sure if he noticed or not, but, in spite of liking what he was doing to me, I was more interested in the park we were in than his attempts to arouse me. I paid more attention to the other people in the park, their dogs, the plants, the birds, the dirt,  and even the sunlight. Whenever someone walked past us, especially a child, he stopped. I would secretly hope more people would walk by so there’d be an excuse to discontinue his…umm…acts (I don’t what you’d call a bunch of kissing that’s not on the lips). Of course, I could’ve told him to stop too, but I wasn’t disinterested in him. I merely found the park more interesting.

That’s confusing, isn’t it? Yeah, I think I understand why Emmi got fed up. I would’ve driven him up a wall.

Some other things I don’t understand. Jia likes my stomach and repeatedly called it “sexy” and I think he also said it was tight. My mental reaction was basically “umm…okay.” I didn’t get it. It was just my stomach. The same stomach I’ve had since I was born. Was it supposed to be something else? When he was feeling me up, he also said my nipples were hard, which he said means someone is aroused. My reaction to that was the same as my reaction to him liking my stomach. Nothing on my body felt any way than it usually did. Honestly, I wish I could’ve felt whatever he was feeling because I do not get it. I really don’t. I’m also not understanding what is so attractive about my neck. Or my shoulders. Or my hands, which he also kissed. Or my bra straps. Well, okay, I kind of understand the last one since it holds my breasts, but he also liked the bra itself. Aren’t I the only one supposed to like that?

As the title says, I’m so confused.

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One thought on “I’m So Confused…

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