Your Judgement Isn’t Important

Anger is swirling inside me right now.

I spent the whole day with my boyfriend. As always, I had a great time. However, we accidentally left his home a bit too late and, as a result, I had to take a much later train home than I intended. It was a genuine accident and we know we have to be more careful now.

So, why am I angry? Because when I sent a message to my uncle to let him know I’d be late, we got into a discussion about it and at one point, he said this to me: “He’s not important.”

“He” is referring to my boyfriend, of course. This isn’t the first time my uncle’s said that either and, frankly, I’m becoming less and less tolerant of these comments. I ignore them because my boyfriend doesn’t hear them, which is what I care about most, and they do not affect either of us personally. I don’t expect him to be considered important to anyone in my family. They don’t know him. But to say he’s not important at all? No!

Not only is he important to me, he is important as a person overall. Why? Let me break it up:

  • He was upset about being late and blamed himself for it. (Empathy)
  • He saw to it that I got on the train I needed and wouldn’t be any later than I already was. (Responsibility)
  • He told me to call him when I got home because he wanted to know I made it home safely. (Caring/Concern)
  • He apologized again after I called him. (Kindness)

There’s much more than that, but those are the ones relevant to this instance. You don’t have to be a big shot to be important. Everyone is important to at least two people: themselves and someone else. And I certainly hope he considers himself as important and valuable as I consider him.

I’ve told my boyfriend enough about my family for him to be able to make some scathing comments of his own, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t know them just like they don’t know him, yet he manages to be the bigger person in this matter. I love him for that, and I love him overall and the devil will have to rise before I let my family decide who I should deem important and unimportant. I could deem several of my uncle’s past relationships unimportant, but that wouldn’t make me any more mature than him, and they’re not mine to place a value on anyway. So, I don’t.

Getting in deeper, my boyfriend is one of the three people (the other two are my best friend, and high school clinician) who’s had – and still continues to have – a huge positive impact on me and my life. He’s important to my health, my well-being, and me as a person. He’s added a lot to me and my life I don’t want to ever have taken. He’s become another reason I’m happy I did not take my life years ago when I was heavily suicidal. I didn’t know him around the time and thinking that I so easily never could’ve saddens me. Heck, when I think about how it was pure luck I met him (I randomly decided to log into OKC after being fed up with it), I feel a bit stunned.

Yes, he is very important to me and I prioritize him. Sure, sometimes, other things come first because different things need attention at different times, but he and our relationship absolutely are a priority for me and unless the day comes when we decide to cut ties (which I hope will never happen), that’s how my priorities will always be. No amount of mean comments will make me regret that.

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