Six Years…

I’ve been running this blog for this six years, and I haven’t even remembered every “blog-iversary”. It’s probably not worth thinking about every year, similar to how birthdays can lose their excitement after so many of them, despite being only once a year. Still, I never expected this blog to last as long as it has, despite that being the goal from the start. I expected to have deleted it by now due to inactivity or boredom. I guess a “slice of life” blog isn’t a subject that’s too difficult to maintain since, well, life doesn’t stop until you die.

My disappointment in those six years is that I’m not really any better off than I was when I started this blog. I’m still living in the same place, still yearning for freedom and independence, and still trying to figure out how this whole game of adulthood works. Yes, I’m working toward it with school and a job, but I still don’t have it and patience is not a virtue I possess.

Oh, well. Can’t have it all.

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Love Doesn’t Hurt

Originally, I wasn’t going to write this because I feel like I share too much at times. However, I wanted to write something, and it was either this or a post about how two-faced people get away with everything. Frankly, I’ve had enough of the world’s mean-spiritedness for one day, so I chose this instead.

Today is mine and my boyfriend’s anniversary! We have been a couple for a full year and known each other for 18 months in total.

There’s a somewhat odd feeling with it.  I knew the day would come, yet I’m still surprised it arrived. I didn’t at all feel like we would break up, yet I’m shocked we’ve been together this long, despite that a year, all things considered, isn’t a long time. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s still that “honeymoon phase”, where a new couple is in love and fawning over each other constantly because they’ve only been together a short time. Neither of us have ever been blind to other people or aspects of our lives, however, so I doubt it.

Yes, I think I’m making it obvious I’m still really inexperienced when it comes to relationships. Or rather, when it comes to good relationships.

I feel like I have a weird way of being in love. I don’t swoon, my heart doesn’t race, and my palms don’t sweat. Instead, it’s when I think about losing this person. I’ve experienced heartbreak once and it hurt very much for a week. It wasn’t the most painful thing I’d felt, but it certainly isn’t something I’d want a repeat of. However, I never experienced it again, even when I cut ties with men I developed feelings for. I can only assume my heart locked itself up, although it doesn’t feel that way. I can’t say I’m curious enough to want to find out.

Similar to my best friend, my boyfriend has become a big part of my life and happiness, and he’s one of the few healthy parts of it. With the kind of family I grew up in, that’s a very good thing. He’s not a therapist. He’s not fixing me. Without trying, he’s shown me over time something I wish had been told to me as a child: love is not supposed to be painful! I can imagine my life without him, but I don’t want to. I question myself a lot, but I believe the day I became certain I loved him was when I did picture losing him and felt pain. The image of him being absent from my life hurts.

I’m willing to bet there is someone several years older than me who’s reading this and rolling their eyes, thinking to themselves, “This silly 22-year-old thinks she knows what love is”. Maybe I don’t know as much as someone 10 years my senior, or even 5. What I do know is love is not meant to hurt. Love is caring, love is patient, love is kind, and love is gentle.

If I say this to him, he will tell me he’s undeserving of it and he’s not special, which is very much a lie. He is very special and deserving and wonderful to me. Were technology advanced enough for a mirror to exist that allowed people to see themselves through others’ eyes, I would show him just that to let him see himself how I do.

I’m going to end this with a quote that’s become a favorite of mine: “I wasn’t planning on loving you, but I’m happy that I did.”

And it’s truly one of the happiest unplanned events of my life.

4 Years and Counting

I created this blog on May 22nd, 2012. Four years of blogging, writing, and sharing my life.

I know I’ve hardly been great at keeping this blog consistently active (I forgot about its 3rd anniversary!), but I can say with sincerity it has been a journey. When I look at some of my posts from 2012 to as recent as 2014, it’s hard to believe I wrote them. Not because it doesn’t sound like me, but because some things have changed so much. Life changed, plans changed.

I truly feel proud I’ve managed to keep this blog going for so long. I really don’t have a great track record with blogs. I usually end up dropping them after about year, sometimes sooner, because I lack ideas of what to post or I grow bored. Granted, many times, those blogs are themed, so perhaps this blog being more of a life journal than focusing on specific subject contributes that my ability to keep it up, even when I get stumped at times.

Sticking around for years was my intention when I first created this blog, but because of my bad track record, I didn’t think I could do it. Now, I know I can and I am.

2 Years of Blogging

Yes, it’s my blog’s second anniversary. Just like last year, it doesn’t really feel like it. I don’t know why, but it never seems like anything I’ve written is really a year old. Maybe that’s nostalgia or something.

I don’t think this year was any more special than last year. In other words, not at all. I haven’t even kept up with the segments! I’m a terrible blogger!

That said, I am going to do something different. Change this theme! The Mystique theme is my favorite, but even I’m growing tired of looking at it. I’m only going to change the color for the time-being, but when I find a theme I like, I’ll switch it.