This may be the coldest post I’ve written on this blog, so if dark thoughts or stoic feelings are disturbing to you, please read no further.
I haven’t posted much, obviously. That’s due to a combination of not knowing what to post about and being depressed lately. 2014 ends in two weeks. I’m very glad because this year has sucked.
- I dropped out of school because I couldn’t handle the stress or keep up with the work.
- I had a one-month relationship. One freaking month.
- I’m horrible with this dating thing. I’ve learned that well.
- I gave oral sex to a guy and it was one of the worst things I’ve ever done. That’s the last time I let my curiosity get the better of me.
- Sunny is ill, possibly fatally ill. He’s alright for the time being, but there’s no telling how long that will last.
- I am still unemployed and it’s becoming harder and harder not to get discouraged.
- I had to leave a forum I was a part of and enjoyed because I made one very stupid slip-up.
- I was dumped for having anxiety.
- Just all around feeling awful and regretting a lot of things.
If Sunny dies, I’m not looking for anyone else because I’ve had it. I know one year is very soon to be giving up, but I cannot do this over and over. I admire the people who can, but I can’t. I cannot go through five, ten, twenty, or however many years of breakups and disappointment until I find a relationship that lasts. I’d rather get pets and be happy like that.
The only good things that came out of this year are some movies I got see, a new obsession, my iPad, and time spent with my best friend.
I’m not the only one with college troubles. My best friend struggled with school and, despite trying her hardest, couldn’t keep her grades satisfactory. In actuality, it’s not entirely her fault. They’re her grades, yes, but the school screwed her over more than once. I helped her write an appeal and we’re both hoping it gets approve, so she can continue attending.
I was so angry when she told me she might lose her aid and be forced to withdraw. Not only because the school screwed her over, but because she works harder than anyone I know in my personal life. I don’t want to be there, so I couldn’t care less what they do to me, but she deserves to have her dreams more than anyone because she works the hardest. Whatever help I am able to give to her, I will.
If, heaven forbid, her letter isn’t approved, she will be heartbroken and I will lose my mind.
I know I’ve done serious posts before, but nothing like this. This actually makes me sick.
Yesterday, on one of the forums I frequent, a member posted this video. I’ll give you a heads-up before you click it. The video is of a father whipping his two teen daughters with an electrical cord for making a “twerking” (butt-shaking) video on Facebook.
I’m not a parent and have no plans to be one. I don’t feel I can judge anyone’s parenting. But watching this video just brought up bad childhood memories for me. There’s a point in the video where one of the girls shouts, “I’m sorry, Daddy!” As if seeing the punishment wasn’t enough, hearing that did it for me.
What that father did to his daughters is the same thing my mother did to me. The earliest I can remember is age seven. My mother denies any account of it happening, but my childhood isn’t that blurry. I’m not even sure if it was abuse or not because some say it is and some say it isn’t because no marks or bruises were left. I really have no idea. All I know is I now have a strong resolve of never allowing someone to hit me ever again.
I would say if it’s abuse, I hope law enforcement sees this and interferes, but I know how much worse that could make these girls’ lives. No abuser will be make their actions blatant because they know the potential consequences. Of course, it could turn out differently than what I know, but that’s not likely since these girls are teens.
I hope this doesn’t sound creepy, but I wish these girls lived near me and we were friends so I could bring them gifts or something. If they’re anything like me, they’re fine by now, but something is still lingering and I don’t mean the physical pain. Sorry if that doesn’t make sense.
My wish for this Wednesday is short and sweet: I want my head to stop pounding!
The reason it’s pounding is that I went to my school’s karaoke evening. They’ve had talent shows before, so I assumed it’d be good. How wrong I was! It was awful! Except for two people, everyone sang terribly!
The only good side is I got to spend a bit of time with one of my friends. They’ve scheduled another karaoke evening for May 1st. I will not be attending!
Yesterday, I came across the above story. As the title basically explains, a three-year-old boy from Tennessee shot himself with a gun that was left out. According to the article, the boy’s aunt left the gun out while she tended to her own son, her nephew got to it and he fatally shot himself in the head.
Let’s get the obvious question out of the way: Who leaves a gun within reach of a child?!?!
Good. Now, the only thing I know about the guns is that they’re deadly and I’d prefer to stay a thousand feet away from one. I don’t like guns because they’re used to kill. Yes, I know that’s what they’re for and that’s precisely why I don’t like them. Besides stories like this, I’m personally against hunting, which is part of the reason I’m considering being a vegetarian when I can finally support myself.
That said, I don’t think guns should be illegal. My only reason would be that I dislike them and that’s not right. However, from the little knowledge I have, the right to own a gun has come under fire due to the Sandy Hook tragedy in Connecticut that happened in December (a story that spread so fast, my friend all the way in the United Kingdom heard about it!). There are people who want to outright ban owning guns – something the UK did in 1996, apparently due to a primary school shooting that occurred that year and they haven’t had another school shooting since – and people who just want stricter regulations, the latter of which is my view.
Unfortunately, tragedies like this and others are going to happen and I don’t think taking away a right because some people are stupid (call me judgmental and whatnot) is the answer. People are killed by: vehicles, knives, heavy objects falling on them, prescription and over-the-counter medication, falling from extreme heights, alcoholism, abuse of illegal drugs, etc. Out of all those things, only one is against the law and people still get ahold of them anyway. That doesn’t mean it should be legal, of course. My point is everything cannot be banned.
Something else I want to point out is that, while I was browsing a forum, some people suggested the story could be false. Not because they believe tragedies like this don’t occur, but because it’s questionable how a small child could have the strength to pull the trigger. I have no idea how heavy a gun or the its trigger could be, but some stated that they themselves aren’t strong enough to even cock a certain gun, let alone fire it. If an adult can’t cock a gun, I also find it odd how a three-year-old could fire one, let alone fire it at his skull. As much as I’d hate to think someone might have shot this child, it’s possible. Of course, the idea of that raises more questions.
All I can say for now is I hope this woman will be more cautious of where she leaves her gun and teach her son to never go near it.
I am having a very bad day!!
Here’s what happened today:
- We got our iPads back…but they’re flippin’ useless because everything’s erased and the App Store is gone! I was so mad I threw the useless toy in my flippin’ closet! It can sit there and collect dust until the end of the year!
- My grandfather needs to start his crap again! He thinks he’s helping me with college. He isn’t helping me with anything and I don’t want him to! He’s an arrogant prick! This fool has never heard of aid and he wants to say my mother has no money! Uh, yes, she does and she’s not an idiot like him! I cannot wait to get the heck out of here!
- My friend in the UK is not answering me. This isn’t something that actually makes me mad, but I really need to talk to someone and I have no one to turn to. I hope nothing has happened to her. I know I haven’t done anything to make her mad and I know she’s online because she still updates her blog. Maybe she’s working on that. I just wish she would answer. 😦