Less Tolerance

Something I’ve noticed about myself lately is I don’t have as much tolerance as I used to.

By “tolerance”, I mean patience, not bigotry. Granted, I’ve never had much patience, but it seems the more time passes, I have even less. My 16-year-old self actually had a ton more patience and tolerance than my 21-year-old self does.

I have less tolerance for putting up with things and people that aggravate me. I either find a way to avoid the annoyance completely or simply get on with it so I can forget about it as quickly as possible. I still get into arguments every so often, but even those have become less frequent. I’d rather let someone think what they want than argue in circles with them.

I don’t know if my shortened patience comes from it being easier to ignore those things and people, or feeling like it’s simply not worth my time. Maybe it’s both. I will say it’s been very effective. It’s saved me quite a few headaches. Perhaps it’s one of those things that develops naturally as you get older? I’ve heard the older you get, the more you learn not to mind what other people think. I suppose this is similar.

That doesn’t mean I ignore everyone I disagree with. It just means I don’t continue arguments that aren’t serving any purpose except causing me stress.  Really, all that’ll happen in the end is everyone will keep their opinions, so there’s not much point in the first place.

I wonder how long it’ll be before I reached the point of “I’m not having this discussion” and begin walking away before a heated discussion can even begin. I might have to start heavily evaluating myself that day.

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Taking Care of a Grumpy Bear

Today, I went out with my boyfriend. We try to do something different everyday, so we hung out at my favorite plaza in the next town over. While I enjoyed myself (and, hopefully, he did too), I started to become tired as time passed and my legs got sore.

Unfortunately, tiredness plus soreness equals grumpiness. Naturally, I wasn’t in the mood for any kind of affection and started rejecting him. Rejection isn’t a bad thing, but what I’m really not proud of is that I started raising my voice at him over every little thing he said, even when he was trying to help. On top of that, when we finally left the plaza, I was so tired, I was stumbling like a drunk person and I still was rude to him, despite that he essentially kept me from walking into traffic more than once.

Nevertheless, he was patient with me. He didn’t yell at me once and still protected me from potentially hurting myself by accident. In fact, he was smiling most of the time, as if I wasn’t even bothering him.

Any other person would’ve decided “screw you” and left me there alone. When I was still talking to Emmi, he once told me he would throw me out of his car if I ever ticked him off, even if we were in his town (which I’m unfamiliar with) at night in the middle of the road! Of course, I wouldn’t purposefully try to anger anyone and I feel terrible about how childish I behaved, which is why I’m very grateful Jia didn’t leave me.

Later, we talked about it and he said that’s a silly thing to leave someone over. He even flat-out said Emmi was an idiot for saying what he did to me. Having had a number of people walk out on me for having a bad day or being frustrated, I was surprised by Jia’s point-of-view.

We’ve only been together for a month, so I don’t want to get too far ahead, but I really hope this lasts. However, time will tell.